Is marriage an institution?

I get very confused on this. Whether it is a necessary evil or not is the same question to me as whether God exists or not. Both are confusing. You cannot have a definitive stance over it if you are open to subjectivity. For those who are married, it is amost sacreligious to even question the necessity of marriage. I have heard that after an age you tend to seek a partner. I am approaching thirty and societal pressures are abounding. But, I am clueless what to say. Without a rocking job or the mentality to do it, without a healthy lifestyle meant to be compatible for the spouse, without the excessive urge or rather obsession of sexuality, without the longing for a partner and finally without any ambition, I get very confused whether i should go for it and spoil two or more lives in future. With the nature I possess, I would like to die in hunger alone. To initiate a family might become hazardous. A DNA defect again perchance.
When I declare that I do not have the urge to have any materialistic pleasure barring booze and I feel detached, my father comes up that maybe sunbconsciously you need marriage. I get confused on how my subconscious does not reveal like this to me with this kind of certitude. Maybe my dad is correct. But if he is not, few lives will be doomed forever for sure. With due apologies to all the married ones and also to those who strongly believe in the institution of marriage...

Virtues of moderate drinking

I am a self-confessed alcoholic. That should not have been a problem had i also been a workaholic. That keeps the money flow in check at least unless you work on a non-profit basis. Now, why do they say that alcohol is a depressant and not an anti-depressant is something I do not understand? Moderate drinking always keeps me otherwise sagging spirit on a high. I never was high on drugs and do not plan to in future. But, a lil bit of madhushaala is a virtue that I do not just love to write about but also love to implement it religiously in the nights. I will like to tell why i love moderate boozing. even when I am feeling a culture shock in delhi, when i get drunk i start loving the city. When i am in a village i feel so much in sync with nature under the influence of liquor. A pauper that i am, i feel like a prince when i am drunk. i have so many phobias but they vanish with wine. I am not ambitious but tend to behave like a visionary when i m drunk. An otherwise detached man that i am, wine makes me even burst in tears while watching candyfloss or a tear-jerker cinema. i m extremely slim, but wine makes me believe in front of the mirror that I am the lean machine and the chosen one. A wine always promises me a revolution in the offing and a break from the mediocrity. As I am getting older, i am getting flashes of childhood memories too. the way we used to live in a congested 2 room rented place and had to watch TV along with brother from a window on the top as dad was against that. I start remembering the night when I helped my eldest brother in Moral Science. There are numerous such activities that remain in the subconscious only to remain there forever and never to be called forth in life. It is me only who has lost touchbase with my siblings since months. And I think better when I am drunk. I have lost touch with technology, maths and science. but gimme a maths question when i m drunk, i ll show u why i was a topper in my school days. this is not possible in sobriety as i fail to get past the phobia only. you tend to rememer things a lot when you are drunk and you become more charitable. the flip side again is that one must chech the splurging spree and never drink in a bar or go to shopping or become a socialite.
Well, there is another flip side. I can at times shout at someone and bear the brunt later.:)
Which is why, I like to have it in the dead of the nights when I can only shout at myself because I stay alone.:)
and yeah, with wine i suppz i will be equally at ease in manhattan or my mofussil town. That is the real leveller. i think that is when i achieve the "Sakshi Bhav".
When it comes to reading, it is enlightening to read tolstoy, premchand, dostoyovesky, rajendra yadav, fritzof capra, kamleshwar, mannu bhandari, Robert m. Pirsig, Yashpal, Agyeya, Dharamveer Bharti, Thomas friedman, stephen Hawking or simply anybody,. Moderate drinking allows you to transcend space and time.
However, lemme tell you that i never drink to excess. That is a statutory warning not to drink in excess. 1 or 2 pegs should be enough to give you the kick and one should stop at that. Beyond that, this article can be decared null and void. And the disclaimer can be that these are only my personal views and for me alone. read somewhere that excessive alcohol usage damages the cerebral cortex in the long run. So drink moderately. Will write again later. With due apologies to all and sundry.